Dear Family

You only have one family, for good and for bad. If there's someone you should love and trust the most, that's your family. Of course, under circumstances you can't be honest all the time. I am trying to be more open, but I failed. Because if you can't be honest with your family then what is life all about? But the thing is it's completely normal to have the odd little secret from your family. Everyone knows that. 

I've got loads of things to say to you but I ended up forgetting all of them. However, I am not going to bore you with details. Instead, I want to be cheesy and all. You know me as the funny one, not taking everything seriously but believe me when I tell you that I can't trade you guys with any one else. I have one little favor from you. When I die, and we don't have that much fortune for my cremation, please DO NOT open my casket, don't let the people see me because technically I am not there. It's just a body that will eventually rot underground. My soul was definitely (hoping and praying) with Jesus at that time. I want you guys to do that for me or else I'll come down and do it myself. I'm not kidding, I'm going to do it and scare the living daylights out of you. And please play all and not some, One Direction songs. Haha!

I wanted to be someone that you guys can be proud of even if it, at some point killed me doing it. I do it anyway. I'm not complaining and all but sometimes I picture myself with a perfect family, wealthy ones. Those families you see in a teeny bopper movie, doing cliche things. I know you get a chance to choose who you want to be but you can't choose the family you'll belong to. And I am happy that you guys are my family.

I know I've contributed a little in our family, I wish I've done more. Our family may not be perfect, we've had ups and downs, misunderstanding but at the end of the day, we still care for each other no matter how tough the situation may be.

By the time you're reading this, I may no longer suffering from humanity or I traveling the world. I want you guys to be happy and all because if you're not then so am I. I will forever be indebted to you guys for showing me the world and how it works. Your love, support and all I will forever treasure and keep.

I love you guys, whether you may or may not know it. Merci!

To a good life...

All the love, Bree

The Fault in Our Stars...

That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt – Peter Van Houten, An Imperial Affliction

It is safe to say that everyone has gone through breakups, you were hurt, and the person you love and trust the most is no longer suffering from humanity. Those are the things we know that’s inevitable but hard to accept. Physical and emotional are the two types of pain that shouldn’t be compared. I don’t know any word to describe it hence I don’t know if it is the right word, but I consider myself lucky for I have never experienced the physical pain.  

I’ve gone through emotional pain and I let my emotions eat me that I ended up straining myself. It comes to the point where I wanted everything to end, vanished in this cruel, cruel world. I never got a chance to filter and process everything that’s happening and did let my emotions work it out for me. I felt helpless, like there’s no way out. I felt so alone, ignored. Of course the thought of hurting myself never slip out of my mind and so I did. I thought everything would end that day. Or so I thought, something happens that I will never forget. I picture my family looking at my rotting body they were devastated. I can understand the pain. And so I convince myself to get out here as fast as I can.  

I know you’re probably disagreeing with me at some point, but I know where you’re getting at. I’ve been through a lot worse than you thought, I’ll be okay, and I know that. Yes, it is hard and a long process to bounce back to your usual self but it will happen eventually. The sooner you feel pain, the sooner it’s over. Don’t bottle things up. Give yourself time to feel, I know you’re sad but please a hopeful kind of sad that just takes time to heal. Let the pain consume you, but not for too long. 

This post is inspired by the movie which I am proud to admit one of the best one-sick-love story movie that literally touched my heart and everyone. Music is the heart and soul of the movie (watch the trailer here if you haven't The Fault in Our Stars Trailer)so I am going to share some songs that I listen from the album...

∞  All Of The Stars- Ed Sheeran

∞ Let Me In- Grouplove

∞ All I Want- Kodaline

∞ Long Way Down- Tom Odell

∞ Strange Things Will Happen- The Radio Dept.

∞ Wait- M83 (which is on replay 50 times in a row)

You have to read the book!!!

Official Soundtrack from the movie The Fault in Our Stars

All the love, Bree x

Summer Love...

Summer love

It was a hot summer night

 I met a guy with a broken heart,

crying and not knowing when to stop.

It was a hot summer day,

I fell in love with him and his pompadour hair

Another day to remember and the sky is grey

It was a hot summer noon

We were sitting, holding hands waiting for the moon

Never will I ever think that it will end up so soon.

It was a hot summer

Our love was over.

He gave me forever,

That I will always remember.

It was summer.

A.B

1^st of February 2012

That's the thing about books...

they let you travel without moving your feet.

I’ve spent most of my adult life, trying to avoid intimacy. I cannot say nor state that it’s one of those effects of being a socio path. I tell you now it is not. Everyone around me wonder, why do I love spending most of my time devouring books instead of going out and meet new people, enjoy great things and have fun. Believe me if I say, I don't know the answer. But I think there’s a lot deeper explanation I have in mind, which I wanted everyone to know so they won't even bother asking.

I would say I enjoy the company of Books than people. It is safe to say that I trust books more than people. The comfort and reassurance of the physical book is safer than most of the individuals. It may sound depressing and skeptic, but I love to escape from my humdrum by burying myself in books and it gives me the power of going into other dimension and going to places without moving your feet.

I’ve read thousands of books, but there’s one trait about me that can strike anyone who knows me by the length of time. What I do when I read a very good book? I don’t share it to anyone, because it seems that it will destroy the connection I have with the character, author and the book itself. I’d like to keep it myself and decided not to share with everyone I know. A bit narcissist but I am telling the truth.

That's the thing about books...

                                                                                                             All the love, B x

Dear Friend,

15th of July 2014
09: 31 AM
Diary #7

There is one outstanding trait about me that can strike anyone who knew me all my life. And that is, my knowledge about myself (well i am still figuring things about me so..) but i know myself more than anyone especially those who judge me. I would not change a thing just to make them happy, that is a bullshit thing to do. No one have to. NO ONE SHOULD. I get a sudden feeling of annoyance when is trying to ruin the one good thing about me, pointing out my flaws and use it against me and make fun out of it. Sometimes, creating a joke for it is my defense mechanism to just get over with. I dont know why its such a big deal to them which i dont. You know its really safe to say, that people really and i mean REALLY love to put each other down, attack you without warning. With that being said, my point is, I am an actual living (and you are too) breathing and have feelings too (if you are not strike with this you are a machine) We all feel pain, annoyance, being ridiculed and yadda yadda. But like i said,

Something Great... (BRADFORD BAD BOI)

Lately I found myself allowing nature to take its own course and just enjoy the ride. More like think things over and have another look at my life. Not that I don't care about anything but we will always end up where we are meant to be right? So, I had a lot of time to sort things out and translate my thoughts into words. Letting go gives you a grief feeling, because it does, clearly means that something and someone has to leave, eventually (with the quote "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be" and "If its meant to be, it will be.")

We know that nothing in this world is permanent, eventually someone will walk into your life and change the world on how you see it and quickly walks out without any warning. Gone, forever. Just like that! And before you know it, they don't exist anymore. However, you can love and appreciate the people in your life every single moment, looking as tomorrow they might no longer be there (not necessarily death). It's safe to say that every one has gone through this horrible situation at least once in their life. We've all lost those who we trust and love the most. Family, friendship and even people you look up to. I've lost both parents one to grief and one to shame.

I haven't convinced myself that those things are inevitable, but now that I am in the state of finding all the answers, I somehow understand that someone or something will definitely walk out into your life. Everything is not permanent. I've lost a lot of people, and so are you, and its a bit disappointing that the person you didn't expected to leave will take a different and perkier path. However, I'm afraid I'll never fully get over losing someone quite like this one. It took me so long to bounce back to my usual self (but I won't hold grudges, as I'm seeing it) maybe things isn't working anymore. Maybe it's better off this way (or so I hope) I've never imagined things to just fade away with a countless 'what ifs' haunting everyone.

And to you Zayn,I cannot thank you enough for everything you taught me, for each memories you shared with us and the boys, good and bad. To 5 1Derful years. Those things I will carry on with me like a diary, THANK YOU! Even if I am to some extent disappointed that you have to leave first. But, I am wishing you all the best in your life, the road you're taking on right now I respect that, I respect your choices, you pick out and I hope you're (at this point) happy with whatever path leads you to. There is no turning back now. But please remember that 1D family is here to welcome you when you come back. But then again, things happen for a reason, not just any reason, but a good one. We can't tell what it is. On the bright side it'll all makes sense in the future. Trust me. They will serve a purpose into your life and lead you where you truly belong. If someone leave, then let them to be something great. And I promise you, slowly but surely and all in good time, it will.


AND THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF...


GOODBYE FOR NOW BRADFORD BAD BOI... SEE YOU SOON!

 

                                                                                            All the love, B x

                                                                            

I got that good girl faith...

I go to seek a great perhaps... 

It always shocked me when I realised that I wasn't the only person In the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things.

I love mysteries.. that I became one.

I love weird things. Weird may not always be good, but weird's always different. They are trying to make me another cliche, but I don't think it will ever happen. 

I don't have any idea where that all came from. I just woke up one day, and I realised things I see is different to the things people supposed to be seeing. 


(c) M. Hood





                                          All the love, B x